Christmas is almost here, have you had enough of the sweetness and light? All the festivity leave you feeling ho-hum? David Sedaris has the antidote with his biting wit and snarky sense of humor in Holidays On Ice.
In this book you will find twelve short stories that poke fun at all kinds of holiday happenings. "Santaland Diaries" recounts the author's memorable employment as one of Santa's Elves:
"This afternoon I worked as an Exit Elf, telling people in a loud voice, 'THIS WAY OUT OF SANTALAND.' A woman was standing at one of the cash registers paying for her idea of a picture, while her son lay beneath her kicking and heaving, having a tantrum.
The woman said, 'Riley, if you don't start behaving yourself, Santa's not going to bring you ANY of those toys you asked for.'
The child said, 'He is too going to bring me toys, liar, he already told me.'
The woman grabbed my arm and said, 'You there, Elf, tell Riley here that if he doesn't start behaving immediately, then Santa's going to change his mind and bring him coal for Christmas.'
I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you're bad he comes to your house and steals things. I told Riley that if he didn't behave himself, Santa was going to take away his TV and all his electrical appliances and leave him in the dark."
The traditional family Christmas newsletter is lambasted in "Season's Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!" and the media/tv industry gets the treatment in "Based Upon a True Story." There are Halloween and Easter tales, as well. It is a very funny book. There is some adult language, this book is not appropriate for children.
Holidays on Ice is published by Little, Brown. ISBN 978-0-316-03590-3
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